I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
