I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
