Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
