Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
