Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
