living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
