you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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