I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
