My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
