Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
