he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
