Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
