I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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