I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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