I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
