Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Houston, we have a blender
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
