I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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