ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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