like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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