i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Less talking, more tequila
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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