I cannot find my penis.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
