Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
