Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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