I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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