I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
