whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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