Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
