I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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