I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
