How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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