it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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