Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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