and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
