I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we're making bets on your personal life
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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