worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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