You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
