I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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