isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
