There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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