I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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