um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
