We won't sleep together?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize