nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
