By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
