It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I stole a fireplace last night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
