he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
