I skipped work to stalk him.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
