YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
