my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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