last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
