haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
