Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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