So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
