My liver just broke up with me...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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