Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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