we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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