sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
