Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
