8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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