How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
