We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
